I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sponge bath it is.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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