im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
