I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
