You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
only if we run a train.
done.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
