So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
