Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
