then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize