I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
