so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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