If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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