Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
