Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
