Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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