I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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