I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize