Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
