and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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