the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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