Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
