I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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