I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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