Cold hands, warm shart.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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