You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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