I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
