Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
