I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
