i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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