I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
