i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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