So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
