I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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