after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
