omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
