I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
