I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
