So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I believe in your delicious
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
