is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
