I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
