umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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