You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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