people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i've created a new STD.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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