I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
