your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
