Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
