i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
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