My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
