my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
