sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
