I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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