In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
