I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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