Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
