Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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