This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
