i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
