just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We need to rekindle our bromance
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
