i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize