I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
