babies were throwing up all over the place
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
ttyl tear gas
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
