Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize