Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
