She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize