I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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