STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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