A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
