is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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