If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
