im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
