You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
