would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
