I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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