my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
