Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
