I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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