did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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