Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
