I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The Olympian is in my bed
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