i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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