hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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