I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
