I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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