i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
