Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
