Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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