my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
