3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
