He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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