I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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