My friends, they love my intelligence
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
