Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
