i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize