Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
