Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
