Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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