I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
