i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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